Five Relationship Red Flags to Look Out For

two friends swinging in a hammock in the wilderness

Five Relationship Red Flags to Look Out For

Main Takeaways:

  • -     You, and only you, get to choose what you wear.
  • -     Healthy relationships encourage social connections and personal growth outside a romantic partnership.
  • -     Your partner cannot tell you that you can’t use birth control, make it harder for you to use birth control, or decide which method you use.

 

Controlling behavior within a relationship can be hard to identify at first, especially when the person being controlling is talking about their behavior in terms of “boundaries” without using that term correctly. Here’s the thing: having a boundary doesn’t mean that you get to control whether anyone else crosses it. It means that if someone else does cross one of your boundaries, you get to choose to leave or limit that relationship.

So here are some red flags that we recommend taking very seriously if they come up in a relationship.

1. They try to control what you wear

One common control tactic used by abusive partners is trying to control what you wear when you go out. You, and only you, get to choose what you wear. If you want to keep your body mostly covered up, that’s your choice! If you want to wear a bikini on a walk, great! It’s really no one else’s business.

2. They try to control who you hang out with

Another concerning red flag is when a partner tells you who you can and can’t spend time with. This is a common tactic used by abusive partners to try to isolate you from your friends and loved ones. Healthy relationships encourage social connections and personal growth outside the partnership.

3. They try to control what you post on social

If your partner monitors or interferes with your social media activity, that’s a red flag. Privacy and trust are vital aspects of any relationship. Just being in a relationship with someone does not give them the right to control what you post online.

 

4. They try to control your birth control choices

Any attempt to control or manipulate what you do with your body is a major red flag. While it’s great to discuss your birth control options with your partner, especially since some birth control options might involve a partner’s participation (like condoms, for example), that does not mean that they get to tell you that you can’t use birth control or interfere with your use of birth control in any way, like by throwing away your pills or poking holes in condoms.

5. They are threatened by your success

In a healthy relationship, partners support and celebrate each other’s successes. When one partner is threatened by or jealous of the other’s achievements and tries to sabotage their success or make them feel bad about it, there’s a big problem.

If you’re in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, and you need support, here are some organizations that have local resources as well as 24/7 English and Spanish hotlines:

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