Main Takeaways:

• Your feelings are more important than other people’s opinions.
• Be honest with yourself (and your friends) about how you are really feeling.
• Sometimes the best way to get your feelings across to someone else is by writing a letter.

What would you do if your friend dated your ex? My friend had this exact situation. She learned a lot from what she went through and is here to tell her story in case it helps anyone else.

In the seventh grade Genny ended her relationship with her boyfriend Jason. After some time had passed, Genny noticed that Ella (her best friend) became closer to Jason, but she didn’t dwell on it. There was a rumor that Ella and Jason were dating, but Ella never came to Genny about their relationship or expressed how she felt about him.

Genny heard about the relationship in whispers and by word of mouth. One day at lunch, Genny lost her cool and started screaming at Ella instead of Jason because Ella was her best friend and she lost trust in her. It was a difficult period for Genny. She found it depressing to learn of all these events, and still her friend remained silent.

The following week brought further talk on what she should do. Genny wrote and gave Ella a letter explaining that she was fine with Ella being with her ex because they’re best friends. The note was the best way for her to express her feelings because she felt that she was the bad guy and that everyone at school was judging her. Ella’s friendship was also very important to her. 

They re-established their friendship once she delivered the note. After a few weeks, Ella and Jason called it quits on their romance anyway. It's over.

It’s been a few years since this all went down, but I recently chatted with Genny about the situation to get her take on everything.

How did this make you feel?

So originally, I was just upset with Ella, and it was more anger than sadness. I guess that was the best way for me to feel the betrayal was to be angry instead of sad.

What did you learn from this experience?

I learned that I shouldn't put others’ opinions in front of my own feelings. I feel like if I was able to really feel those emotions without the influence of my peers, I could have realized how much this impacted our friendship and that Ella really probably wasn't my friend for real if she was capable of doing that to me.

Are you still friends with them?

Yeah…

Has this affected the way you look at potential relationships and friendships now?

100%. Even our friend group from middle school has since kind of gotten smaller. So now we know that big friendship groups with both boys and girls may not work and not only myself but a lot of people that are friends with Ella are more cautious about letting her know about their relationship out of fear that she may do something like that again.

What would you tell someone that was in the same position as you now?

I will tell them to be 100% completely honest about how they truly feel with their friend about the situation and leave that person. Because now I personally feel that it’s been too long for me to leave our friendship, but I want to leave Ella. So, I would say if you really feel that this person has hurt you then leave them right there.